Thursday, August 18, 2005
Losing my salvation part two.
My friend came back with a very reasoned and persuasive reply. The following was my response:
You gave me a lot to think about. No doubt you were saved at 13. I guess maybe this is my struggle. I did all the stupid stuff before I got saved, then I got saved but there was a time where I was distant after that. I don't have all the answers but I knew that every time I cried out to him he was still there even in my rebellion. Of course I didn't realize I was cheating on Him, (okay part of me did) I thought I was using my God given gifts, guess that was my way of rationalizing what I was doing.
This was during the period of time when I was trying to be a professional artist full time. I figured it was my God given gift so it must be what I was supposed to do. What I didn't see, or more correctly, what I ignored, was that I was offering my whole life and everything that was important in it to my gift. I always rationalized that when I became successful I would pay back to my family everything they lost while I pursued the dream. The jobs that I had all seemed like failure and made me feel like a loser because it wasn't my God given gift.
What I wasn't seeing was that my family was a God given gift too and the non art work that I was getting was a way God was providing for that gift. One day as I was driving from one job to another (I was in sales, traveling) He convicted me, your work is your God. We had a big argument, okay I railed and he listened til I was done. A week later I was at Promise Keepers face down in the dirt, wailing over all I had done. The speaker started by having us lay face down on the ground prostrate before God but instead of praying with our eyes closed he had us take out pictures from our wallets of someone in our families that we had wronged. It didn't take long to wash all my arguments away.
He never left me nor forsook (?) me and when I came back for good, he was right there to lift me up to where He wanted me. I told him after I finished the last one or two pieces I had promised that I would never pick up a pen again unless I was doing it for Him. I quit art all together (other than finishing a couple of things that I had committed to do) for six months and then he began to give that back showing me how to use it for his glory. I am still very hesitant to take money for a piece of art because of that. I don't believe I ever lost my salvation. I believe God waited patiently for me to lose my stupidity and see my need for Him, like the father of a very stupid prodigal and then welcomed me back.
My friend came back with a very reasoned and persuasive reply. The following was my response:
You gave me a lot to think about. No doubt you were saved at 13. I guess maybe this is my struggle. I did all the stupid stuff before I got saved, then I got saved but there was a time where I was distant after that. I don't have all the answers but I knew that every time I cried out to him he was still there even in my rebellion. Of course I didn't realize I was cheating on Him, (okay part of me did) I thought I was using my God given gifts, guess that was my way of rationalizing what I was doing.
This was during the period of time when I was trying to be a professional artist full time. I figured it was my God given gift so it must be what I was supposed to do. What I didn't see, or more correctly, what I ignored, was that I was offering my whole life and everything that was important in it to my gift. I always rationalized that when I became successful I would pay back to my family everything they lost while I pursued the dream. The jobs that I had all seemed like failure and made me feel like a loser because it wasn't my God given gift.
What I wasn't seeing was that my family was a God given gift too and the non art work that I was getting was a way God was providing for that gift. One day as I was driving from one job to another (I was in sales, traveling) He convicted me, your work is your God. We had a big argument, okay I railed and he listened til I was done. A week later I was at Promise Keepers face down in the dirt, wailing over all I had done. The speaker started by having us lay face down on the ground prostrate before God but instead of praying with our eyes closed he had us take out pictures from our wallets of someone in our families that we had wronged. It didn't take long to wash all my arguments away.
He never left me nor forsook (?) me and when I came back for good, he was right there to lift me up to where He wanted me. I told him after I finished the last one or two pieces I had promised that I would never pick up a pen again unless I was doing it for Him. I quit art all together (other than finishing a couple of things that I had committed to do) for six months and then he began to give that back showing me how to use it for his glory. I am still very hesitant to take money for a piece of art because of that. I don't believe I ever lost my salvation. I believe God waited patiently for me to lose my stupidity and see my need for Him, like the father of a very stupid prodigal and then welcomed me back.
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